YES to Birthland Tours and Adoption Expert Beverlee Einsig

If you're an adoptive family and have ever thought of taking a birthland tour, I'd encourage you to check out this video. Beverlee Einsig is really my adoption hero, and I'm trying to get her to come to Springfield for a workshop. She is so respected in the field, and she's well-known all around the country. Lucky for us, she's in Oklahoma! Check her out:

Adoption update: I'm a Good Cook... and It's in my Genes...

I've always been told I'm a good cook. I don't know if that's really true since I basically just add butter and garlic to everything... but I really do enjoy cooking.

Example 1: I worked at Williams-Sonoma in college for four years. I bought my All-Clad cookware set before I was 21.

Example 2: In college I thought it would be a great idea to serve my fellow senior, sorority sisters to a Thanksgiving dinner. My roommates, Lucy and Staci put it together... but we made a turkey that year for 20+ girls. The thing I learned? You can cook a turkey upside down and it becomes more juicy. (I had to work that day, so I prepped the turkey, and Lucy put it upside down in the oven. She'd call me throughout the day with random things like: a) she didn't like to touch raw meat and b) she couldn't get the wings to tuck under.)

Example 3: I still have dinner parties all the time... even when I was a young journalist, I'd invite the whole newsroom over and cook. I think the most I cooked for was about 100 during a Lunar New Year party.

ANYWAY...

I've been Skyping a lot with my sister HJ and her hubby Glenn. Last night, we were dreaming up ways to start a business. One idea was to open a Korean BBQ restaurant and noribang (Korean-style karaoke.)

She told me that we should get our birth mother involved...

Apparently, my Korean mother owned a noodle, sushi and Korean BBQ restaurant for several years! From the time HJ was a toddler until high school, my Korean mother was a restaurateur.

WHAT? HOW AM I JUST LEARNING THIS?

Also, she said all of the girls are great cooks... that means Hyun Jeong, Hyun Mi, and Yeon Jeong... plus ME!

HJ even had a nickname-- Dae Jang Geum. Dae Jang Geum is also the title of one of the most popular Korean dramas at the moment... it's loosely based on the real-life story about a legendary girl (Jang-Geum) who became the first woman to be the supreme royal physician of her times. She started in the royal kitchen, I believe, which back in the dynasty days was a very powerful position. You're feeding royalty! It could also be a dangerous job (people tried to poison people all the time...) BTW, I discovered Dae Jang Geum during my last visit to San Fran with my Imo and Uncle Stacy. They love that show!

Anyway, this little story just made me happy, and I thought adoptive families may be interested to hear...

We always wonder if genetics or environment plays a role in who we are. Of course, the answer is both. BUT, I've learned two things-- my love of cooking comes from my biological mother. So does my love of singing.

My mom, Sharon, cooks a lot, but I'm not convinced it's a hobby of hers. However, she does love musicals... we spent every weekend watching The Sound of Music, Grease, Annie. However, my mom doesn't sing.

We probably won't open a Korean BBQ or a noribang... but dreaming allowed me to find out a little more about my reality. Pretty neat how the little things can impact so much. It meant nothing at all for my sister to tell me that small tidbit, but I see it like a revelation.

Wednesday's Child: Darrell...Korean arrival...and ADOPTION IN PROGRESS!

ADOPTION CORNER!

1. Please keep my friends Liz, Christian and Jack in your thoughts... Liz and her husband are on their way to the states after a week in Korea! They picked up Jack this week and are headed home NOW!

2. Big congrats to Stephon! He's a former Wednesday's Child and is in the process of being adopted!

3. Check out Darrell-- he's an 11 year old who says he just wants a loving family. Very sweet kid (and check out his rockin' mohawk!)

Looking Back: My Korea Trip story on KY3

November is National Adoption Month. And what a great month.

I did this story back in 2005 during the month of November. In a way, I hate sharing it because I was such a new reporter... my voice, my writing, my delivery... all makes me cringe a little when I watch this. But, I can overlook it because I'm reminded of the passion I had. Plus, I shot and edited the video myself.

This was the story I shot in 2005 when I went to Korea. I followed a group of adoptees around as they tried to search for their birth family... on top of just visiting their birth country for the first time. I remember lugging around a camera and mic the whole time. It was exhausting.

I was so disappointed at the time because no adoptee found their birth parent. I thought WHAT LUCK! And, there were so many parts to the story, I didn't know where to start.

But, along the way, I decided to choose Emma. She was 11 at the time and really wanted to find her birth mother. She was so sweet, and her family was awesome. I even went to Oklahoma and stayed with them for a weekend when we got back. I still think of them.

Anyway, here's the old story. AND HAPPY NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH! I also wanted to post the story because one of my friends from my very first news job is getting ready to go to Korea to pick up her baby! I must have Korea on the brain.

Happy Hanguk Anniversary!

One year ago today, I married the man of my dreams... again!

Very lucky to have two wonderful weddings with two sets of families... now if I could just put them in one place!

ALSO, A BIG ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY HIGH-FIVE TO MY SIS, HYUN JEONG... AND GLENN!

Korean Holiday Chuseok = Thanksgiving

What a coincidence.

This morning I was thinking of my sister, Hyun Jeong, so I decided to give her a call. When she picked up, she said today was the beginning of Chuseok. It's a big Korean holiday, like our version of Thanksgiving.

Actually, today is the start of Chuseok. It's a three-day festival that falls on different days every year because of the lunar calendar. Chuseok is the Full Moon Harvest Festival--celebrated on the 15th day of the 8th month of the lunar calendar... and is held around the Autumn Equinox.

Anyway... Korea time is 14 hours ahead of Central. So, I always add two hours to the current time and flip a.m./p.m. That means day 1 of Chuseok has already passed in Korea. Hyun Jeong said everyone is staying at our Korean parents' house. My other two sisters, Hyunmi and Yeon Jeong are staying there along with their husbands and children. My birth mother told Hyun Jeong to call me today and ask how I was doing because she can communicate well with me.

I miss them.

And, I like hearing the updates. I feel like I'm a part of their lives. My birth father apparently has developed diabetes. He's not overweight, but he's lived the life of a typical Korean man--he smoked and drank for much of his lifetime, so now his body is catching up. Hyun Jeong said he's eating well--not eating meat--and that he's stopped smoking and most of his drinking.

Glenn says he and Hyun Jeong will likely take some time off next year and visit the states. I'm hoping they can take a road trip to Missouri. My mind is an uncontrollable force... I'm trying to calm it down because it's all too exciting to think that they'll be on U.S. soil!

Anyway, I have never observed Chuseok, even when I was studying Korean language... even when I surrounded myself with Korean people. But this year feels a little different. I'm getting older and realizing how blessed I am. I wish I could've been at the dinner table in Korea last night, watching my niece and nephew run around, and not understanding two-thirds of what was being said. At the same time, it's unbelievable that things turned out so swimmingly here...

Tonight when I get off work, I have a date to Skype with my Korean family as they celebrate Day 2 of Chuseok at Hyun Jeong and Glenn's new house. I can't wait! I'm so glad I'm celebrating two Thanksgivings this year... there's a lot to be thankful for!

More Underwear!

Wine Country is great... BUT here are some weird pics!

I just got back from wine country with some of my college girlfriends. We had such a blast going to all of the different wineries, asking a million questions, and observing life on the West Coast.

Of course, the scenery was absolutely gorgeous. I would've shared my experiences as they were happening, but there just wasn't enough time. I actually attempted to tape a story for work, and it turned out to be a nuisance. So, I quit. I realized I'd rather just enjoy time with my friends and live life!

Anyway, we had a wonderful time... but here are some of the more funny, behind-the-scenes observations.

1. Hicks (for lack of a better word...) are everywhere. I posted this on my Facebook page when it happened. I'm pretty sure he was from Napa because he had CA plates, and I just couldn't imagine him vacationing there. He spit so loudly... and he kept doing it over and over again. If you want to dip at the table, that's fine, but please be discreet! The fact that he was spitting on the floor was also ruining my appetite. I kept making up a story in my head-- like he's a "wannabe hick"... not even from the Midwest, but he wants to emulate what he thinks people are like here. Kind of like how we see Midwestern kids talk like surfers... or how a Korean pop singer will occasionally throw in an English word like "East Side" in their songs.

2. I don't care how trendy you are, how space-challenged you are, unisex bathrooms are creepy. I mean, it's one thing to have a unisex bathroom if it's a one-toilet stall with a locked door. It's really weird to have guys next to you in line... in the bathroom. Never in my life have I experienced that. And, by looking at the surprised faces of many of my bathroom mates, I'd say we were all in the same boat. I mean, what if I had lady business? Or, what if some guy had some heavy-duty business...and that bathroom was the only choice? WEIRD.

3. And, this is a funny pic of my underwear. Sounds weird to say, huh? My IMO (check her out in the post below) gave me underwear with a zipper on the crotch. She said I should wear it to hide money, especially when I travel. I almost died with laughter! I also laughed because she got an XXXL. I mean, I guess that could be accurate if we're going by Korean sizes. I'm like *Beyonce x2* when it comes to Korean sizes. I just look at those and hear my Imo's voice, "You put the money inside! It's good!" My uncle innocently suggested I put my phone in there since I lost it earlier that day... (insert joke.)

Could've, Would've, Should've... Adoption Story

Today (Tuesday) was a sunny day in San Francisco, so I took the BART all by myself to San Leandro to visit my Imo (Korean word for aunt-mother's sister) and Uncle Stacy.

I wasn't going to meet with them if the weather was as bad as predicted--hail in some cases. Some parts of California even got snow this morning!

Anyway, I digress.

I learned today that my Korean mother and father WERE NOT indeed poor when my mother secretly placed me for adoption. Lack of income was a reason used in my file, and I kept that thought alive for the last 12 years. To me, it just made sense, and I never questioned it.

Apparently, my Korean mother had a lot of urging and pressure from my father's eldest brother. You see, my birth father and birth mother were the babies in their families. My eldest uncle on my birth father's side was a lot older-- when I met him in the year 2000, he was in his 70s. My birth father was in his early 50s. My uncle was a strong paternal figure for my Korean parents.

Anyway, my birth father's eldest brother pressured my Korean mother to have a son. I won't say much more than that, other than apparently he wasn't too pleasant about it.

My Korean mother was also superstitious. While pregnant, she went to a fortune teller. The fortune teller told her that her child (me) would not have a long life in Korea. Korean people tend to be very superstitious... but because my mother was still pregnant with me, she did not tell anyone what the fortune teller told her. (I knew she had gone to a fortune teller, but I thought that was after we reunited. I didn't know this influenced her decision to relinquish me.)

When she gave birth to me, she placed me for adoption in secret. She told everyone I had died. My birth father was away at sea, traveling between Korea and Japan for business. For some reason, I always thought he was a fisherman, but I don't think that's true either.

Nonetheless, my Korean mother felt she had no choice. I still feel so sorry for her because she must've felt terribly alone.

My Imo didn't know I was alive until I called her one day. I remember it being around the year 2000. I have a hard time understanding that because I got her phone number from my Korean family. I assumed she was given a "heads-up" about me calling... but tonight, my Imo said that she didn't know about me until then. So, either I misunderstood something, or that's really the truth.

Funny thing, my Korean mother and father were both so ashamed, but my Imo saw the good side. She said she told my mother that, "Michelle is a blessing." All of my sisters went to college, everyone turned out okay... and I was in the United States. A blessing, indeed.

And then... Stacy turned to me and said something like, "Yung (my imo) was upset because she would've loved to adopt you." My Imo then shouted, "Yeah!" It was as if she wholeheartedly agreed.

It was a simple statement, but it had just never occurred to me. Suddenly, a million thoughts rushed through my head... my brain was in overdrive. What would it have been like to grow up near San Francisco instead of rural Missouri? Would I know Korean? Would I have been me? What would my profession be? What would my parents, Charles and Sharon have done--who would they have adopted? Who would I be married to right now? Would I know I was adopted or would my auntie and the family keep it a secret? It's all totally plausible because Korean people tend to NOT be forthcoming... it's a cultural thing.

I told Jim, and it was a bit heavy for us. And, at the same time, as I left San Leandro, I felt a stronger connection to Imo and Stacy. They would've cared for me and loved me, for sure. But, I don't have any regrets, and I don't think they do either.

It also occurred to me that I have a greater responsibility to care for my Imo when she gets older. I am her only blood relative in the United States. She and Stacy don't have children... only a few nieces and nephews. They both are great people, and although I know they're happy, content, and competent, I worry about who will take care of them as they age.

The funny thing is that revelations can be small and seem insignificant in so many ways. At the same time, one sentence can trip you up for a few hours. Knowing my birth parents had the financial means to raise me seemed a little disappointing. Hearing that my aunt would've willingly raised me stunned me. It's not a big deal, but it is a big deal.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Finding birth family does not solve anything. It does not bring closure. It, in fact, complicates things and feelings. Sometimes I envy those adoptees who can still fantasize about their birth family and place them on a pedestal. They can still have dreams of being a "Korean princess", or a little Asian, orphan Annie.

At the same time, I wouldn't change a thing. My life has been so enriched, and it's forced me to take more pride in being Korean. I just told someone last week that I've spent more than half my life being embarrassed about being Korean... and I won't do it anymore. I won't let people tell me who I am. My life experiences make me who I am--whether it's from Charlie and Sharon or Won Gap and Hang Soon. Or my IMO... I am blessed, just like Imo said!

On a lighter note, check her out! She really cracks me up.

Korean Adoptee Meets Birth Mother After 52 Years

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This is my favorite story of the week. I was in Korea at the same time this was happening! In fact, I was at the Holt Adoption Agency the same day Willie and his family were meeting his biological mother!

Long story short, Willie got a letter out-of-the-blue from his adoption agency. His birth mother was trying to find him. She is now 81-years-old and has spent most of her life searching for him.

Here's the story I put on YouTube... but you can read his full story here on KSPR.com!

Korean Adoptees Struggle with Identity

A Facebook Friend, Grace, sent this article to me, and I felt enlightened! It's posted from the NY Times:

Basically, it says there is a new study that shows that first generation Korean adoptees (like me) considered themselves WHITE (as kids)! 78%, in fact.

However, it also showed that 60% said their racial identity became important by the time they were in middle school. As adults, nearly 61% traveled to Korea to learn about their culture and to find their birth parents. (Wow!)

It also goes on to say that most adoptees were raised in predominantly white neighborhoods and saw few, if any, people who looked like them. The report also found that the children were teased and experienced racial discrimination, often from teachers. And only a minority of the respondents said they felt welcomed by members of their own ethnic group.

(Insert: HOLY BEJEEZUS! I was the only Korean-looking child in my school! Some kid threw a box of rice at me! I have tons of nasty teacher stories! Mom, remember?... and yes, Korean-American students told me I was "too white"in college!)

As a result, many of them have had trouble coming to terms with their racial and ethnic identities.

The report was issued by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a nonprofit adoption research and policy group based in New York.

Video of Won Hoo!

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My sister, Hyun Jeong, just put this on her blog! It is of our nephew, Won Hoo. Won Hoo is celebrating his first birthday in this picture! Watch the video!!

Won Hoo is the first grandchild for the Park family and is the son of my younger sister, Yeon Jeong.

If you've lost track, I have three sisters: Hyun Mi, Hyun Jeong, and Yeon Jeong. I am between Hyun Jeong and Yeon Jeong (my birth name was Hyun Sook, though, I don't believe that is a family name.)

I can't wait to go to Korea with Jim in 4 weeks!

Heigl Loves Hangukis!! (Koreans!!)

Wow, I already liked Katherine Heigl, but now I officially LOVE her!

According to People Magazine, Katherine and her husband Josh adopted a baby from Korea! They named her Naleigh... it's just a nickname for Nancy and Leigh (after Katherine's mother and sister, Margaret Leigh.

Katherine's sister is Korean... and was adopted in the 70s. (Sounds vaguely familiar.)

Korean adoptees search for Birth Family!

I have a story that goes with this video, but it will have to wait. Anyway, it seems to me that there's a bigger push for adoptees to locate their birth families.

There are a number of groups helping to do that. Watch the video!



Read what people are saying on Facebook!

Going to California...

I'm finally going to California to visit my birth aunt. The vacation was approved, the airline tickets are booked, and the house is rented.

Now what?

If anyone has any tips on how to get around San Francisco, let me know. My friend, Alan, lived there several years ago, and he's been a hoot...

Now that I think of it, I know three people from three different stations who work in SF... but 2 out of 3 are professional contacts, so probably not going to hit them up for tourist tips. Hmmm...

Anyway, I'm so excited to meet my biological aunt and uncle. She is the sister of my biological mother. I really wish my mom was going with me, but I think this is a good trip for my new hubby. This international adoption stuff is new to him... and I think this trip is a good intro for him, especially since we have plans on visiting Korea this year. Wow!!

In the meantime, if you have any thoughts, let me know.

I told you, I'm already finding out interesting things from them... like, my Korean grandfather having a concubine and stuff. It's a real blessing to have this connection! I am happy.

Adoption Story # 546

So, I have a biological aunt who lives in California. She is super sweet, and I call her IMO. (ee-moh, which is what you call your mother's sister in Korea.)

Anyway, I was talking to her (and my Uncle Stacy) today, and guess what I found out? I have a half-uncle, who is the son of a concubine.

What?

I didn't ask a lot of questions, but apparently, my Korean mother's father had a concubine. He had a son with this concubine, and then my Korean grandmother raised him.

How weird is that?

I don't know why I'm so fascinated by this, but I am.

Holy Mole-y!

I got another Asian-y story for you. Sorry, but I guess when it rains it pours.

So, I was at a public place the other day... and some guy randomly comes up to me and says, "Hey, let me guess... you're Korean, right?"

"Yes," I said.

Guy: "Do you want to know how I know?"

MS: thinking, uh, no...but instead I blurt, "Sure!" (WHY NOT?)

Guy: "It's because you have a mole."

(MS thinking, WTF?!)

MS: "What?"

Then suddenly, out from behind me, another guy says, "Dude, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! A mole?"

(MS thinking, "Thank you!")

Then Guy #1 says, "No, seriously. I lived in China for six years. I know. The only people who have moles are Korean and Japanese. I swear."

Guy #2 says, "I don't care. That is stupid."

(MS again, thinking, "Thank you!")

Guy #2 continues, "A mole doesn't mean anything. You can tell she is Korean because she has a flatter face."

(MS thinking, WTF!? Guy #2 was doing so well!)

END SCENE.

Guy #1 apologized and said he didn't want to offend me. Really, it was pretty damn funny. Molie! Molie! Molie!

First Person Plural: My adoption thoughts from 2000

In 2000, the National Asian American Telecommunications Association and PBS paired up to tell the personal stories of adoptees.

It was centered around a documentary called "First Person Plural". The documentary was about a Korean adoptee, Deann Borshay, and her journey back to her birth country. She came over in the 60s and had thought her birth mother was dead--that was not the case. In the end, she brought her birth family and adoptive family together.



For whatever reason, I remember being wishy-washy about this documentary. I remember feeling like it left a negative impression about adoption. Maybe that was because I had a different experience...or maybe I have a bad memory.


Anyway, the most interesting thing I found was my First Person Plural on PBS. The funny thing is that I wrote it while I was in college...there are some spelling mistakes...and at first, I was a little embarassed to share. But, then I realized that it was how I felt during one time in my life, so I thought I would share for any adoptee...this would've been right after my second trip to Korea. It was clearly an email I had written because I ask questions at the end of mine and no one responded...did PBS even read my FPP?

A First in Korea: Domestic Adoptions Beat International

For the first time in Korean history, domestic adoptions have surpassed international adoptions.

Nearly 60 percent of all adoptions during the first half of this year were domestic, meaning that the children were placed in homes within Korea. The breakdown is 729 out of 1,223 Korean babies, to be exact. (That's far higher than the average 41 to 42 percent the country's seen in the last five years.)

Experts say the increase is largely attributed to a new law that encourages domestic adoptions over international. Korean society has been exposed to more adoption campaigns (the government has been making efforts to shake off the country's reputation as a "baby exporting' nation.) Korean couples living there are also getting tax incentives to adopt.

Overall, the Overseas Korean Foundation estimates nearly 157,145 children have been placed internationally during the last 50 years. Citizens of the U.S., France, Sweden, and Denmark have adopted the most Korean children.

REFERRAL ANNOUNCEMENT!

An Ozarks family just received their referral picture and I thought I'd share it with you!! This is Emalee Grace Jeong (her Korean name is Jeong Eun Hong ...Hong is the family name.) She was born on November 9th and at birth, weighed 6 pounds and six ounces. If you'd like to leave a nice message for the family, please do so!

Also, if you'd like to share your pictures/family stories, email them to me at : michellemsherwood@yahoo.com