Funny thing about parents. They get older, and they like to travel.
When I lived in North Carolina 9 years ago, my parents never came for a visit. My mother reminded me it was because she was paying all of my bills. Thanks, Mom.
They're now about two years away from retirement... did you know that this place is one of the best places in the country for retirees? Hmmm...
It was really cute to watch them get a kick out of walking on the beach, driving a golf cart around an island... and picking up sea shells. Oh yea, and eating seafood was a lot of fun, too.
What's the saying? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I miss my parents very much. I have always been close to them, but it was really hard for me to say goodbye this week. I couldn't wait to leave Missouri (no offense), but I still miss it. Dammit.
Okay... so I've been way out of the loop. But, my new favorite person is Jenna Ushkowitz. She looked stunning at the Golden Globes last night... and when I looked at her name, I thought "she has to be either adopted... or married... or her father has to be a non-Korean person..."
Isn't it funny how we adoptees go through all of the scenarios? I have this conversation with adoptive families all the time... We want to ask, but it feels so wrong.
Anyway, on a side note... the all-knowing Wikipedia page called Jenna a "Korean-American." As an adoptee, I always feel like that's weird.
Do any other adoptees/adoptive families feel that way? The reason I say this... is because... when I was at the University of Kansas, there was a Korean Student Association and an Asian American Student Union. The AASU was for anyone. The KSA was for Korean international students. So, I've always separated the two in my head-- I like to say I'm Korean-born. I get all weird when I call myself a Korean-American. Even though, I am Korean. Does that make any sense?
I know I don't work for KSPR anymore, but I had one piece of business to finish. I hope this story will inspire you to pay it forward!
I received a call from a viewer a couple of weeks ago... he wanted to purchase a computer for one of the kids we featured on Wednesday's Child. This person has grown to be a friend of mine, even though we've only briefly spoken on the phone.
I honestly didn't expect him to come through with his promise because it was such a financial commitment. I shouldn't have underestimated him.
Yesterday morning, my friend and KSPR producer Terra picked up the viewer and took him to Walmart. Mind you, I had only met him briefly at the library once before. He had already put a laptop on hold... and when we all three arrived, we went straight back to the electronics department to pick up the computer.
I bought a card and had him sign the bottom. He didn't want anything in return... he just said he hoped the child grew up to be successful and hoped he would remember where he came from.
This viewer inspired me this week and reminded me how kind people can be. He's a veteran, who on first impression, may seem a little gruff. He's the kind of guy who, at times, seems skeptical of the government--the type of person who calls the TV station after a story airs to share his opinion or argue with the someone over an issue. He does not seem like a hero, but now I realize he is.
I will not be there when the Wednesday's Child gets his computer. It has to go through the proper channels since he lives in residential care. By the way, residential care facilities are great in their intentions, but can you really imagine a child growing up in one? Or a child not having a place to call home? with people he/she trusts? Imagine what it's like during the holidays, when their schoolmates talk about Santa. Many of these kids miss their siblings who have already been adopted. I can't imagine the world these children live in, despite the fact that they have people who genuinely care for them. And remember, these kids are in our backyards, kids who go to our churches, kids who are friends with your kids.
This viewer wants to remain anonymous... yet, he could potentially spark something really great inside this kid. This could be a game changer...what an unassuming superhero.
While we all holiday shop for our families and friends and get wrapped up in the material things, please take the time to think of all of those children who go without.
I am so touched that Don, a person who lives on a fixed income, took the time to not only watch a Wednesday's Child story... but also act on it. Even I could not afford to buy a child a computer, and I feel ashamed of myself... I need to start saving up for one good thing like this a year! Don said something that inspired me--he said he could've been a Wednesday's Child, but luckily for him, he had good grandparents. It got me thinking--I was an orphan, too, and all of us have experienced some sort of unfortunate circumstance...but many of us are lucky enough have it happen to us at an age when we can take care of ourselves. Or have it not be detrimental to our existence. Kids have no choice. We have to remember them!
I hope you'll think of Don this year... and his courage to spark change in someone else! So many of us choose not to get involved, and we should try to change that. Don's kindness-in-action has been the best holiday gift I've had so far for 2010, and it wasn't even meant for me.
If you're an adoptive family and have ever thought of taking a birthland tour, I'd encourage you to check out this video. Beverlee Einsig is really my adoption hero, and I'm trying to get her to come to Springfield for a workshop. She is so respected in the field, and she's well-known all around the country. Lucky for us, she's in Oklahoma! Check her out:
Alexus is one of my favorite gigglers to date. Someone MUST adopt her! She's at the age where she needs a lot of confidence building. I just adore this little girl.
1. Please keep my friends Liz, Christian and Jack in your thoughts... Liz and her husband are on their way to the states after a week in Korea! They picked up Jack this week and are headed home NOW!
As a 2010 Angel in Adoption, I received direct info about the adoption tax credit. Great news-- the tax credit has increased... it also includes international adoption.
Have a look... it's a little long, but the information is there...
I haven't had time to write, but I'm in Washington, D.C. accepting a congressional award for adoption.
I wish I had more time to write right now, but I am too exhausted. I heard some amazing stories, and one day soon I hope to share them with you.
We were told to act as "lobbyists" and lobby for our causes. We had a "Hill Day" to do so. That was yesterday (Tuesday.) We were placed in groups and then taken to various offices of lawmakers to talk about the plight of the orphan, essentially.
For once, I had the least amount to say. The two couples in my group were extremely passionate about open records and recognizing Fetal Alcohol Syndrome as a diagnosis. Again, more to come later.
Today, we were given our "angel" pins... and wrapped up the three-day-event with a gala. I shook hands with Kristin Chenoweth and sat a few tables behind Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito. It was pretty incredible. I cried through half of the gala... it was that inspirational!
In the meantime, here are some pictures from today:
I posted this on my Facebook page a while back, but I guess I've been neglecting my blog. I recently received a great honor, and I wanted to share it here.
I will be traveling to Washington, D.C. early next month to accept a Congressional award for my volunteer work in adoption. As many of you know, I've been a huge advocate for adoption for several years. The Wednesday's Child segments on KSPR have been going well, but I would like to see more participation from the community. We'll get there.
I loved, loved, loved being an escort for Korean adoptees. There's nothing better than flying halfway across the world to bring a baby home to the United States. The first time I did it was in 1998, and I remember that's when families could still go right up to the gate. That baby cried all the way from Seoul to Tulsa, but I was the one crying when we gave him to his parents.
I've never said this on my blog, but I would probably leave TV news if I thought I could work with Korean adoptees or for an international adoption agency... but what would I do? I admire social workers, but the work is too exhausting.
I once thought I could be a social worker in 1998. I was at KU. I took my first social work class-- it would also be my last. I thought I'd go to the class and automatically learn about my interest, international adoption. However, I learned about poverty, mental illness and the sacrifices social workers make. One day, I was sitting in a huge lecture hall, and my professor started crying. She had just learned one of her former students had been murdered in New York. The former student was now a social worker and had been killed as a result of being mugged.
So... although I am thrilled and honored to be accepting a Congressional award for my volunteerism, it does not even compare to the daily contributions our social workers make. They should be honored every day! --- On a side note, I should thank Congressman Roy Blunt. He is the one who nominated me for this honor. As many people know, Mr. Blunt adopted a boy from Russia a few years ago, and Charlie is so cute!
Today I shot five Wednesday's Child stories (which is why I wasn't on air today.) These are stories about kids who are in the foster care system and are available for adoption.
Most, if not all, have been abused or neglected by the very people who were supposed to love them and take care of them.
They are children who have faced levels of disappointment most of us can't imagine...
Today, I met a little girl who didn't know how to make a wish. It really blew me away, and it made me realize how important it is to save our children.
I asked my regular question..."If you could have 3 wishes, what would they be?"
She said, "I don't wish." M: "Why?" Girl: "Because they never come true." M: "Well, I hope we can change that." Girl: "Well, then... what can I wish for?" M: "You can wish for anything. Would you wish for a family?" Girl. "Yeah..."
My heart broke right then. Her adoption specialist told me she's had so much disappointment... Every time someone wants to adopt her (birth family members, mostly), it falls a part. She gets her hopes up, and then she reaches new lows.
These are our children! Kids who are in our schools, our neighborhoods... some are living in residential centers... Can you imagine a child living in an institution? Simply because there's no one out there to take care of them?
At this point in my life, it would be hard for my husband and I to adopt a child. But, I think we will consider respite care. It's like being a relief-foster family...
Anyway, please open your hearts and minds to these children. So far, I've featured four children on our newscasts... Here they are... and yes, you will soon hear about the girl who didn't know how to make a wish! Her story will be up later...
This is my nephew Won Hoo... in Korea, there's no such thing as flippin' the bird... so, my sister has no clue how bad this looks! But, it's still so cute!!
My sister wrote, "Now he knows that he is taking a picture." Ha! Lost in translation...
Today (Tuesday) was a sunny day in San Francisco, so I took the BART all by myself to San Leandro to visit my Imo (Korean word for aunt-mother's sister) and Uncle Stacy.
I wasn't going to meet with them if the weather was as bad as predicted--hail in some cases. Some parts of California even got snow this morning!
Anyway, I digress.
I learned today that my Korean mother and father WERE NOT indeed poor when my mother secretly placed me for adoption. Lack of income was a reason used in my file, and I kept that thought alive for the last 12 years. To me, it just made sense, and I never questioned it.
Apparently, my Korean mother had a lot of urging and pressure from my father's eldest brother. You see, my birth father and birth mother were the babies in their families. My eldest uncle on my birth father's side was a lot older-- when I met him in the year 2000, he was in his 70s. My birth father was in his early 50s. My uncle was a strong paternal figure for my Korean parents.
Anyway, my birth father's eldest brother pressured my Korean mother to have a son. I won't say much more than that, other than apparently he wasn't too pleasant about it.
My Korean mother was also superstitious. While pregnant, she went to a fortune teller. The fortune teller told her that her child (me) would not have a long life in Korea. Korean people tend to be very superstitious... but because my mother was still pregnant with me, she did not tell anyone what the fortune teller told her. (I knew she had gone to a fortune teller, but I thought that was after we reunited. I didn't know this influenced her decision to relinquish me.)
When she gave birth to me, she placed me for adoption in secret. She told everyone I had died. My birth father was away at sea, traveling between Korea and Japan for business. For some reason, I always thought he was a fisherman, but I don't think that's true either.
Nonetheless, my Korean mother felt she had no choice. I still feel so sorry for her because she must've felt terribly alone.
My Imo didn't know I was alive until I called her one day. I remember it being around the year 2000. I have a hard time understanding that because I got her phone number from my Korean family. I assumed she was given a "heads-up" about me calling... but tonight, my Imo said that she didn't know about me until then. So, either I misunderstood something, or that's really the truth.
Funny thing, my Korean mother and father were both so ashamed, but my Imo saw the good side. She said she told my mother that, "Michelle is a blessing." All of my sisters went to college, everyone turned out okay... and I was in the United States. A blessing, indeed.
And then... Stacy turned to me and said something like, "Yung (my imo) was upset because she would've loved to adopt you." My Imo then shouted, "Yeah!" It was as if she wholeheartedly agreed.
It was a simple statement, but it had just never occurred to me. Suddenly, a million thoughts rushed through my head... my brain was in overdrive. What would it have been like to grow up near San Francisco instead of rural Missouri? Would I know Korean? Would I have been me? What would my profession be? What would my parents, Charles and Sharon have done--who would they have adopted? Who would I be married to right now? Would I know I was adopted or would my auntie and the family keep it a secret? It's all totally plausible because Korean people tend to NOT be forthcoming... it's a cultural thing.
I told Jim, and it was a bit heavy for us. And, at the same time, as I left San Leandro, I felt a stronger connection to Imo and Stacy. They would've cared for me and loved me, for sure. But, I don't have any regrets, and I don't think they do either.
It also occurred to me that I have a greater responsibility to care for my Imo when she gets older. I am her only blood relative in the United States. She and Stacy don't have children... only a few nieces and nephews. They both are great people, and although I know they're happy, content, and competent, I worry about who will take care of them as they age.
The funny thing is that revelations can be small and seem insignificant in so many ways. At the same time, one sentence can trip you up for a few hours. Knowing my birth parents had the financial means to raise me seemed a little disappointing. Hearing that my aunt would've willingly raised me stunned me. It's not a big deal, but it is a big deal.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Finding birth family does not solve anything. It does not bring closure. It, in fact, complicates things and feelings. Sometimes I envy those adoptees who can still fantasize about their birth family and place them on a pedestal. They can still have dreams of being a "Korean princess", or a little Asian, orphan Annie.
At the same time, I wouldn't change a thing. My life has been so enriched, and it's forced me to take more pride in being Korean. I just told someone last week that I've spent more than half my life being embarrassed about being Korean... and I won't do it anymore. I won't let people tell me who I am. My life experiences make me who I am--whether it's from Charlie and Sharon or Won Gap and Hang Soon. Or my IMO... I am blessed, just like Imo said!
On a lighter note, check her out! She really cracks me up.
A Facebook Friend, Grace, sent this article to me, and I felt enlightened! It's posted from the NY Times:
Basically, it says there is a new study that shows that first generation Korean adoptees (like me) considered themselves WHITE (as kids)! 78%, in fact.
However, it also showed that 60% said their racial identity became important by the time they were in middle school. As adults, nearly 61% traveled to Korea to learn about their culture and to find their birth parents. (Wow!)
It also goes on to say that most adoptees were raised in predominantly white neighborhoods and saw few, if any, people who looked like them. The report also found that the children were teased and experienced racial discrimination, often from teachers. And only a minority of the respondents said they felt welcomed by members of their own ethnic group.
(Insert: HOLY BEJEEZUS! I was the only Korean-looking child in my school! Some kid threw a box of rice at me! I have tons of nasty teacher stories! Mom, remember?... and yes, Korean-American students told me I was "too white"in college!)
As a result, many of them have had trouble coming to terms with their racial and ethnic identities.
My sister, Hyun Jeong, just put this on her blog! It is of our nephew, Won Hoo. Won Hoo is celebrating his first birthday in this picture! Watch the video!!
Won Hoo is the first grandchild for the Park family and is the son of my younger sister, Yeon Jeong.
If you've lost track, I have three sisters: Hyun Mi, Hyun Jeong, and Yeon Jeong. I am between Hyun Jeong and Yeon Jeong (my birth name was Hyun Sook, though, I don't believe that is a family name.)
Wow, I already liked Katherine Heigl, but now I officially LOVE her!
According to People Magazine, Katherine and her husband Josh adopted a baby from Korea! They named her Naleigh... it's just a nickname for Nancy and Leigh (after Katherine's mother and sister, Margaret Leigh.
Katherine's sister is Korean... and was adopted in the 70s. (Sounds vaguely familiar.)
I have a story that goes with this video, but it will have to wait. Anyway, it seems to me that there's a bigger push for adoptees to locate their birth families.
There are a number of groups helping to do that. Watch the video!
So, I have a biological aunt who lives in California. She is super sweet, and I call her IMO. (ee-moh, which is what you call your mother's sister in Korea.)
Anyway, I was talking to her (and my Uncle Stacy) today, and guess what I found out? I have a half-uncle, who is the son of a concubine.
What?
I didn't ask a lot of questions, but apparently, my Korean mother's father had a concubine. He had a son with this concubine, and then my Korean grandmother raised him.
How weird is that?
I don't know why I'm so fascinated by this, but I am.
The Greene County Medical Society has published a great journal this month on adoption in celebration of National Adoption Month.
While adoptive families face the same everyday trials and tribulations of a traditional family, they are often compounded by additional issues--medical needs, socialization skills, adaptation and bonding behaviors (taken from Dr. Victor Pace, who adopted Becca in 2007. She's also the cute little girl in the top middle pic on the cover!)
I also wrote an article about the ever-changing experience of adoption. Closure? What's that? You can also see me in my 1980s-something-sailor-dress, and I think that alone is worth reading.
Other topics included in the journal:
The negative impact of institutionalization
Caring for the adopted child: the role of the primary provider
This is my personal blog! I like to write about my family, friends, and passions. No hidden agendas, though I'm a crazy advocate for adoption. I'm here to make friends and peace, and I hope you do the same when you leave a comment!
Funny thing about parents. They get older, and they like to travel.
What's the saying? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I miss my parents very much. I have always been close to them, but it was really hard for me to say goodbye this week. I couldn't wait to leave Missouri (no offense), but I still miss it. Dammit.
