Taehoo, My Niece...

WHAT A DOLL!!! I WANT TO EAT HER!

Could've, Would've, Should've... Adoption Story

Today (Tuesday) was a sunny day in San Francisco, so I took the BART all by myself to San Leandro to visit my Imo (Korean word for aunt-mother's sister) and Uncle Stacy.

I wasn't going to meet with them if the weather was as bad as predicted--hail in some cases. Some parts of California even got snow this morning!

Anyway, I digress.

I learned today that my Korean mother and father WERE NOT indeed poor when my mother secretly placed me for adoption. Lack of income was a reason used in my file, and I kept that thought alive for the last 12 years. To me, it just made sense, and I never questioned it.

Apparently, my Korean mother had a lot of urging and pressure from my father's eldest brother. You see, my birth father and birth mother were the babies in their families. My eldest uncle on my birth father's side was a lot older-- when I met him in the year 2000, he was in his 70s. My birth father was in his early 50s. My uncle was a strong paternal figure for my Korean parents.

Anyway, my birth father's eldest brother pressured my Korean mother to have a son. I won't say much more than that, other than apparently he wasn't too pleasant about it.

My Korean mother was also superstitious. While pregnant, she went to a fortune teller. The fortune teller told her that her child (me) would not have a long life in Korea. Korean people tend to be very superstitious... but because my mother was still pregnant with me, she did not tell anyone what the fortune teller told her. (I knew she had gone to a fortune teller, but I thought that was after we reunited. I didn't know this influenced her decision to relinquish me.)

When she gave birth to me, she placed me for adoption in secret. She told everyone I had died. My birth father was away at sea, traveling between Korea and Japan for business. For some reason, I always thought he was a fisherman, but I don't think that's true either.

Nonetheless, my Korean mother felt she had no choice. I still feel so sorry for her because she must've felt terribly alone.

My Imo didn't know I was alive until I called her one day. I remember it being around the year 2000. I have a hard time understanding that because I got her phone number from my Korean family. I assumed she was given a "heads-up" about me calling... but tonight, my Imo said that she didn't know about me until then. So, either I misunderstood something, or that's really the truth.

Funny thing, my Korean mother and father were both so ashamed, but my Imo saw the good side. She said she told my mother that, "Michelle is a blessing." All of my sisters went to college, everyone turned out okay... and I was in the United States. A blessing, indeed.

And then... Stacy turned to me and said something like, "Yung (my imo) was upset because she would've loved to adopt you." My Imo then shouted, "Yeah!" It was as if she wholeheartedly agreed.

It was a simple statement, but it had just never occurred to me. Suddenly, a million thoughts rushed through my head... my brain was in overdrive. What would it have been like to grow up near San Francisco instead of rural Missouri? Would I know Korean? Would I have been me? What would my profession be? What would my parents, Charles and Sharon have done--who would they have adopted? Who would I be married to right now? Would I know I was adopted or would my auntie and the family keep it a secret? It's all totally plausible because Korean people tend to NOT be forthcoming... it's a cultural thing.

I told Jim, and it was a bit heavy for us. And, at the same time, as I left San Leandro, I felt a stronger connection to Imo and Stacy. They would've cared for me and loved me, for sure. But, I don't have any regrets, and I don't think they do either.

It also occurred to me that I have a greater responsibility to care for my Imo when she gets older. I am her only blood relative in the United States. She and Stacy don't have children... only a few nieces and nephews. They both are great people, and although I know they're happy, content, and competent, I worry about who will take care of them as they age.

The funny thing is that revelations can be small and seem insignificant in so many ways. At the same time, one sentence can trip you up for a few hours. Knowing my birth parents had the financial means to raise me seemed a little disappointing. Hearing that my aunt would've willingly raised me stunned me. It's not a big deal, but it is a big deal.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Finding birth family does not solve anything. It does not bring closure. It, in fact, complicates things and feelings. Sometimes I envy those adoptees who can still fantasize about their birth family and place them on a pedestal. They can still have dreams of being a "Korean princess", or a little Asian, orphan Annie.

At the same time, I wouldn't change a thing. My life has been so enriched, and it's forced me to take more pride in being Korean. I just told someone last week that I've spent more than half my life being embarrassed about being Korean... and I won't do it anymore. I won't let people tell me who I am. My life experiences make me who I am--whether it's from Charlie and Sharon or Won Gap and Hang Soon. Or my IMO... I am blessed, just like Imo said!

On a lighter note, check her out! She really cracks me up.

My Korean Wedding Dress

These are just a few of my dress choices for the big, fat Korean wedding... any thoughts??

Read what people are saying on Facebook!

Our Trip to San Francisco: Meeting More Birth Family

We are in San Francisco right now, doubled over in pain, which was brought on by a massive sushi intake.

Jim is flipping through the channels and is watching TV. I'm updating stuff on the web. I won't say what else he's doing... (toot toot!)

Anyway, today was the first day I met my biological aunt, Yung. I call her IMO because that means "mother's sister" in Korean.

She is super sweet. Her partner, Stacy, is great. They've been together 30 years, I think. He is a retired Navy guy and acted as our tour guide. Together, they are so cute! We pretty much ate and drank our way through the tourist spots of San Francisco.

Here's the gist of what our day looked like:

We ate in the Sunset area. Jim had a lamb burger, Stacy had lasagna, Imo and I had a bowl of Thai style noodles.

We went to Golden Gate Park and walked through the botanical garden.

We went to the Fisherman's Wharf and drank coffee. Then we went somewhere else and drank beer.

We went to Chinatown. My aunt bought me a fanny pack. Stacy bought us a cricket.

We went to Union Square. We walked through the Westin Hotel and went up to the 32nd floor in the elevator. Nearly got sick.

We came back to Cole Valley and ate a huge plate of nigiri sushi.

Now we're in a food coma, though I told Jim I was kind of craving ice cream!

Anyway, my bio aunt is so neat. She has this really high-pitched voice and is so cute. She is also very generous. Stacy is such a storyteller. He is really entertaining...

Jim and I had a long day. We had planned on going up to wine country, but now I'm not so sure. I can only think and write in simple sentences right now.

Going to California...

I'm finally going to California to visit my birth aunt. The vacation was approved, the airline tickets are booked, and the house is rented.

Now what?

If anyone has any tips on how to get around San Francisco, let me know. My friend, Alan, lived there several years ago, and he's been a hoot...

Now that I think of it, I know three people from three different stations who work in SF... but 2 out of 3 are professional contacts, so probably not going to hit them up for tourist tips. Hmmm...

Anyway, I'm so excited to meet my biological aunt and uncle. She is the sister of my biological mother. I really wish my mom was going with me, but I think this is a good trip for my new hubby. This international adoption stuff is new to him... and I think this trip is a good intro for him, especially since we have plans on visiting Korea this year. Wow!!

In the meantime, if you have any thoughts, let me know.

I told you, I'm already finding out interesting things from them... like, my Korean grandfather having a concubine and stuff. It's a real blessing to have this connection! I am happy.

Adoption Story # 546

So, I have a biological aunt who lives in California. She is super sweet, and I call her IMO. (ee-moh, which is what you call your mother's sister in Korea.)

Anyway, I was talking to her (and my Uncle Stacy) today, and guess what I found out? I have a half-uncle, who is the son of a concubine.

What?

I didn't ask a lot of questions, but apparently, my Korean mother's father had a concubine. He had a son with this concubine, and then my Korean grandmother raised him.

How weird is that?

I don't know why I'm so fascinated by this, but I am.

More pics of Mr. Sunbeam

My Korean mother and Mr. Sunbeam

See more on my sister, Hyun Jeong's blog. And, look at another proud aunt. Isn't it sickening? I was playing around with html last night, and so this is what happened.

Park Family Gets Bigger, Two Times Over!

He is definitely a gift, wrapped up in a little bow and everything!

How cool. Today I learned that my sister, Yeon Jeong, had her baby on September 3rd... after 10 hours of labor, she had to have a C-section. The baby's name is Huang Won Hoo, but they call him Hae Ssal (it means sunbeams!)
I am now officially an American auntie! How cool is that?! Being an only child, yet finding three sisters... it's all pretty overwhelming. And, more big news... my sister Hyun Jeong is engaged!

She is going to marry her American boyfriend, Glenn. This makes me really happy because, as I told Jim, this changes everything. Being selfish of course, this means I will have the chance to really know more about my birth family. If she's going to marry an American guy, she will be speaking more English with her husband and me! (my Korean is not that good... ) I will be able to talk to Glenn and understand more things about my Korean family. They can even come to the States to live if they wanted to! My family here could meet them! The future is so bright, and I am so happy.

Preggers...

Some good news to pass along. Someone in my family is pregnant! And better yet, it's not me!

My youngest sister Yeon Jeong is pregnant with her first baby. She's the first person in the family to have a baby, and it is a boy! My Korean father must be so relieved to finally have someone else in the family with some franks and beans! Ha!

Anyway, her baby is due in September... the same month I'm going to get married. I think that means I'll be taking a trip to Korea sometime in 2009. I'm going to be a MIGUK IMO! (Mee-gook Emo translates to American auntie)

I was so excited when I heard the news. I happened to call one day a few weeks ago because I was checking on my second oldest sister, Hyun Jeong. She lives in China, and I was concerned about her after the earthquake... anyway, Yeon Jeong was at my Korean parents' house, and she told me in broken English, though I could still understand her. I burst into happy tears for some unknown reason, (I am much more emotional these days...) but it makes me more happy and appreciative that my birth family and I found each other ten years ago!! I can't believe it's been a decade, and now I realize how much it changed the outcome of my life. My parents are so excited; they even bought clothes to send her! Good times~

Pictures from the wedding!

Why knowing your biological family is cool, but hard

I have another biological sister who's getting married...this time it is my youngest sister--Yeon Jeong! She is so precious to me because she is very free-spirited. I think she's beautiful, inside and out. We spent a lot of time together during my last trip to Korea, and we couldn't stop crying when I left her at the train station. It was a very emotional goodbye.

Meeting birth family is a very difficult thing. I love mine very much, but adoptive families should know that meeting them never brings closure. If anything, it opens a whole new can of worms. I am so happy for my Korean family right now, but it is also painful to know that I cannot be there. Even though I wouldn't trade my life in the U.S. for anything, sometimes I have a hard time trying to understand why my sisters and I had to live a world apart.

Anyway, this is a happy time for our family, for both the Parks and the Sherwoods....

Plus, isn't it wild how Koreans get their wedding pictures done? Is this a hot new trend there or what? I don't know of very many men here who would dress up like this, but I love it!

The wedding is Saturday, May 19th.

FAMILY ANNOUNCEMENT--

My oldest sister, Hyunmi, got married. Isn't she a beautiful bride?

Ahem, I have two more beautiful, single sisters...